I’ve been feeling really worn down lately. Less patience with the kids, more overwhelmed by the chaos. So, so, SO tired of the bickering…and wondering what in the world needs to change.
I’m not ready or willing to give up homeschooling, even though that would give me some much more peaceful hours during the day. I still can’t imagine sending them away. I LOVE what we’re able to do as a homeschooling family: learn together from a God-centered worldview, go at the correct pace for each child in core subjects, spend time together as a family, read together by the fireplace…Not to mention sleeping in and not having the need to rush through breakfast. It’s pretty great.
But I also know that I spent time in tears almost every day last week, feeling like I’m not an adequate parent, let alone teacher. I want (NEED) to get to the heart of my kids’ bickering and other sin issues, and I feel like I can talk with them (one of them in particular) until I have no more words, I can use other Biblical disciplinary measures (ahem, spanking), and still nothing changes. The Holy Spirit has to do the work of softening and changing their hearts, and I’m left to be consistent and wait. That’s hard.
In the meantime, I’m learning about myself. I love people, and I think I have a gift for hospitality. But I also treasure the quiet. I love having a weekend with girlfriends, but it’s not rejuvenating to me. I come home happy and exhausted. I also love being with our four crazy kids, but the chaos is exhausting to me.
Apparently I’m an introvert.
Knowing that should probably affect the way we operate around here, and I think it’s going to take some tweaking before we have a good solution. But I’m encouraged to have a name for my problem. At least now we can figure out a way to fix it.