I don’t know what I was doing a year ago tonight. My calendar from November 7, 2014 is empty. My Facebook had no posts that day.
I had no idea that it was the day you would enter the world.
That makes me immensely sad.
And immeasurably happy.
Daddy and I were done having babies. We made sure of it. But we told God, “God, if you want us to have more babies, you have to make it happen. And we’ll trust You.”
What we meant was, “If you get us pregnant, it will be an outright miracle, and we’ll keep the baby (of course).”
What He did was send us YOU.
You were so tiny.
My heart said, “That is my son.”
My head freaked out. And argued with God. And freaked out some more. And prayed a lot. And finally…eventually…talked to Daddy about it.
Miss Dana took such good care of you. She was your first foster mama, and she spent hours and hours and hours loving you when you cried all night long every night. She loved you. She still does.
We did lots of paperwork and got fingerprinted and had doctors make sure we’re healthy enough to parent and had a social worker come over and ask us lots of questions. We did these things (and more) so that you could come live with us, and we could be your Mommy and Daddy instead of your babysitters.
The day you came home to stay was a really big day for our family. I cried many tears of joy that day.
Sometimes people tell me that Daddy and I are such wonderful people for bringing you into our family. But you know what? It’s not true. It’s not about us.
It’s about GOD. HE is wonderful for bringing you to us. YOU are a delightful, amazing little boy, and you bring joy and laughter into our home every single day.
Your brothers and sisters and Mommy and Daddy all delight to see your smile, and the way you are mimicking so many things right now, and your sweet little high-stepped walking (with help). We love to hear your laugh and help you discover new things about the world God made.
I’ll admit it’s hard sometimes…like when you still get up nearly every night, crying. In the middle of the night. At 12 months of age. That’s hard. I like sleep.
It’s hard when I think about your biological mom who should be enjoying your sweet self, if it wasn’t for all the dadblasted brokenness in the world.
It’s hard when I think about the racial tensions we might someday face because of your beautiful brown skin.
But it’s all worth it. It’s more than worth it.
I can’t imagine our world without you, little one.
Happy 1st birthday.
May we have many, many more birthdays to celebrate TOGETHER.
I love you,